It is chilling to get trapped inside an elevator. Not because of what would make for extraordinary tales of escapes and heroism, like the story I received from a caller who absolutely isn’t my biggest admirer. There was once a man who called me and told me that his elevator was going down, only to add, life was bringing him down as well. When I called, I was advised to reach out to emergency services,…

I literally didn’t understand a single word when the cashier said “just tap it” for the first time. I held my card exactly how a caveman would hold fire. Living outside of the box is not my strong suit and as I pointed out, this was clearly a directive to go against the epitome of my existence. This does not sound right. What the heck is this woman saying? As if reciting some spell, she…

I remember cabs. Real cabs, with their booming yellow color, and drivers who sat on their thrones like benevolent dictators ruling over this kingdom. With a sharp whistle, you could summon them. They would come teetering towards you. It was impossible to describe them as perfect and they were a long shot away from that, but they were earnestly imperfect and hence bound to be perfect in my eyes. Next came the upheaval. The apps…

There it is again, that dreaded red light above the intersection of Maple and 4th that seems to stalk me. I feel as though I have been here long enough to the point where coffee is no longer fresh and scalding, but old and wet. With the feeling of gels and seasons shifting. None of my situations seems to improve anytime soon as the radio cycles through it’s third horrible tune. I reside in the…

The other day, a scene caught my attention at the Natural History Museum. There was a woman in her twenties, presumably not older than twenty-four, standing in front of a dinosaur-like skeleton that was roughly 150 million years old. A majestic piece of history that represents years of paleontological work. She was not the only one having this moment as I too was present as a silent observer soaking in the atmosphere of the moment,…

My internet stopped working last Tuesday. You would assume that it would have an equally simple solution, how naive I was. What should have been a simple fix turned into, what felt like an, odyssey through the unique misery that is contemporary customer service – strikingly similar to what I’m sure Dante endured in his The Divine Comedy. And trust me, I would not wish that experience on my worst enemy. I made the catastrophic…

I signed up for a gym membership last month, not due to self-improvement journeys or New Year’s resolutions, and certainly not due to any life-coach nonsense. Beyond optimistic, my doctor told me I needed to “start incorporating more movement” into my life. So here I am, ready to do the splits. My favorite “pessimist” doctor once told me, “The effort would be appreciated by your body,” to which I remember he had given me that…

Almost 20 minutes in of endlessly trying to find a specific historical detail—one of those things that took an annoying amount of effort to get to the library’s encyclopedias for, but nowadays takes only the bare minimum effort of typing it out—is when it all started. While living in ancient Mesopotamia and doing “research” on their farming methods mid-paragraph (don’t ask me why, some other time), my screen darkened all of a sudden and a…

There is no treachery more personal, no betrayal more sharp, than that of a smartphone battery dying at the moment you need it most, my phone’s battery is fully charged and details such as the unabashed need for social validation underscore my existence. That is my core identity. My list of unforgiving foes is eldritch, overly narcissistic, and egotistical co-workers who shiv you in the back. A romantic partner who does not fully subsidize the…

Last Tuesday, around 3 PM, I was sitting at a bus stop on Madison Avenue. Water was still cascading off my hair, soaking both my shoes and the lower quarter of my slacks. It puts my body in such a “wet” state, where “good” isn’t the word to describe my feelings, especially after getting roasted by the Monday Sun. Turns out, that spectacular orb doesn’t face off either. This is my Sun on the 0%…